Healing wounded relationships (Part 4)

"I will heal my people and let them enjoy...peace and security." Jeremiah 33:6

the "surgery" stage of confession and apology can happen quickly. The more complex "recovery" stage of forgiveness, healing and restoration takes time. Remember the last time you took your car to the mechanic? You brought it in for one problem and he found others you weren't aware of that needed attention. In the same way, the healing process brings into focus issues related to the original one: communication, finances, time, parenting and intimacy issues. If you want a healthy relationship there are no shortcuts; you have to deal with them. If you try to cheat the process, your unfinished business will keep undermining your hopes for a while and happy relationship. So if you haven't already guessed it, restoration work isn't for the cowardly or lazy. But the rewards are well worth it, so roll up your sleeves!
Reinforce each other's efforts. God said, "render...honous to whom honour is due" (Ro 13:7) because it's a principle that works. We routinely thank the waiter, the taxi driver and the checkout clerk. It's an ingrained, invaluable courtesy-and one we'd do well to take home. People working on relationships need the healing power that comes from regular doses of courtesy. You'd be amazed at the restorative mileage you get from simply expressing your appreciation. The "principle of reinforcement" says you get more of what you acknowledge, so remember to thank your partner for even the smallest effort to improve things. Not only will you be honoring them, you'll be inviting more of the same, and making interest-bearing deposits in your relationship account.