Healing wounded relationships (Part 5)

"He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted." Isaiah 61:1

When you violate your partner's trust, you send your "relationship account" into deficit! Intimacy is replaced by painful emotional and physical distance. As the offender, you feel that, in spite of your apology and repentance, your wounded partner is still exacting their pound of flesh and making you pay. But they are not! They are simply out of surplus emotional resources. Their tank is empty. It's taking all they have just to "keep it together." Expecting them to be their old self is like asking a legless man to hurry up and walk! It's not going to happen.
What can you do to help? The same thing you do when you have a deficit in your bank account. (1) Stop making withdrawals! Don't ask or expect from your partner all they normally do for you. Don't wait to be served. Pick up your dirty dishes. Iron your clothes. Surrender your sense of entitlement. Practice the Christ-like art of denying yourself. For now, lean on God and your Christian friends and family to help meet your temporarily unmet needs. (2) Start making deposits! Make them small and often. "If you give, you will get! Your gift will return to you...pressed down, shaken together...running over" (Lk 6:38). Consistent deposits can eventually cancel the deficit, moving the relationship into surplus! Quietly find ways to make salve. These are the things that invite your partner to feel like it's safe to push "defrost," start taking small risks, reconnect, and test the waters again!